back-to-top
Stories from SA members
Members' stories

Porn Obsession

Beginnings
I believed in God since I was a child and became the most enthusiastic Christian in the youth group but I had a secret I was too ashamed to tell anyone. Sometimes I would sneak the ‘Littlewoods’ catalogue into my bedroom and masturbate to the underwear section. I felt a crushing shame afterwards and prayed for forgiveness and swore I would stop, but it wasn’t long before I found myself doing it again and I hated myself for that. It was self harm on repeat, shame was my blade. This was the beginning of 25 years of porn obsession. 
Porn Obsession
When I found the internet my porn obsession began to progress. For months I would only look at ‘tasteful’ scantily clad celebrities and fashion models, then found myself searching for topless pictures, then nude, then videos- but only those with women in, then hard core porn videos. All the time the obsession was progressing to a lower environment. It was as if my conscience hardened and to feel shame I needed to cross more boundaries.
I repeated the pattern of my teens of asking God for forgiveness, swearing I would stop, deleting everything on my computer. I read self help books, confided in church leaders and received prayer. Nothing seemed to work and I couldn’t stay stopped.
The Progression
I resigned myself to tolerating and accepting the porn obsession in my life. I’d tried to stop for 25 years and couldn’t, neither did I want to live my life in pursuit of lust. So I tried to manage it, keep it apart from the rest of my life. By now I was a church youth worker but I had become accustomed to living with the incompatibility of my faith and my porn obsession.
But this obsession progresses relentlessly and eventually the screen was not enough, I acted out with a real person and broke my wife’s heart.
The Solution
Staggering through the door of my first meeting of Sexaholics Anonymous, I was traumatised by what I had to face in myself and fearful I was about to lose everything I valued; my wife, family, home, reputation and job. I had been in charge of my life and had driven it off a cliff.
I couldn’t think straight, and had lost confidence in myself, but as I looked around the room there were people with stories like mine who had stopped. I was ready to try, I got a sponsor, followed his suggestions and stopped and stayed stopped- something I had never been able to do alone. I can’t describe the relief it is to finally break free of my porn obsession, the rewards of recovery are far beyond just stopping. As the years go by I am able to mature into the man I was meant to be without constantly undermining myself with shame and the fear I’d be exposed.
If you identify with our stories contact us, come to a meeting this week and see if it could work for you too.

Further Reading

Members' stories

Sexual Fantasies: Something Was Wrong. Story of recovery.

Read more

Members' stories

Crossdressing and Masturbation: Story of recovery.

Read more

Members' stories

Pornography: Getting Sober from Lust. Story of recovery.

Read more
Image Take our Sexual Addiction Test

Take our Sexual Addiction Test

This sexual addiction test is an aid to help you determine whether or not you need Sexaholics Anonymous.

Take the Test
Image Member's stories

Member's stories

SA members share their experience, strength and hope in the form of the stories of their recovery.

Recovery stories
Image Find a meeting

Find a meeting

Sexaholics Anonymous meetings take place face to face, in groups, by Skype and by telephone.

Find a meeting
Image For the professional

For the professional

SA welcomes referrals from medics, therapists, religious leaders & other professionals.

Find out more
Image About us

About us

What is Sexaholics Anonymous and what is sexual sobriety?

Read more