Hi, I’m a sexaholic, recovering from a lifetime of compulsive crossdressing, masturbation and many other acting out scenarios with my heroin – lust.
Age 11, I started wearing my sisters tights during masturbation, which added to the thrill. By 17, I was compulsively stealing or secretly ‘borrowing’ women’s underwear at any opportunity, despite very real risks of being caught. I didn’t realise I was already out of control.
At age 19, after a great deal of difficulty I finally lost my virginity. Sex with real women reduced, but never eliminated, my crossdressing. I didn’t realise that all my relationships were lust based, and unreal. They were all short lived.
Alcoholism and drug addiction took a very heavy toll between ages 18 to 35. By age 30, living in America, I was completely isolated, suicidal and returned to the UK, hoping for some improvement. Things only worsened.
The relationship in America, which I walked out of, was to be my last for many years. Off drugs and desperately depressed, I came across a specialist shop for crossdressers, and my old addiction exploded again. This time my pursuit of that ecstatic high I could get from crossdressing cost me serious amounts of money. I became a ‘binge’ luster.
Suicide was a daily thought by age 36, but then a miracle happened – I found AA and sobriety from alcohol and drugs. I was reassured that my crossdressing was harmless and I was encouraged to masturbate and crossdress as much as I wanted. I also had therapy to ‘cure’ my hangups about it. I had a relationship with a transvestite.
Whilst sobriety in AA improved my life enormously (I now have over 26 years continuous sobriety from drugs and alcohol) I still was unable to relate to women successfully, and could never moderate or control my crossdressing habits. Increasingly, I began to realise that within me something was not right.
A friend one day gave me the book ‘Sexaholics Anonymous’. I immediately identified with the concept that lust was my problem. I had always thought that if only I could stop crossdressing I would be ‘OK”. Reading the book helped me to see that ALL my sexual behaviour was lust based, and I was a true lust addict, a sexaholic, and love cripple.
I now have over 2 years sexual sobriety to add to my 26 years AA sobriety, and I can honestly say I am beginning to experience a new happiness which I have never known before. Already, serious insurmountable problems are being eliminated, and I have a new energy and zest for life, as I begin to live lust free. Lust is not sex. What a wonderful discovery!
I hope my story encourages you to believe you can recover from lust addiction. I won’t kid you and tell you it’s easy, but boy is it worth it! I am a very grateful member of SA today.